sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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