alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
