My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
