I'm drive I can fine osifer
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
