fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
