i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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