My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
