Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
