There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
