I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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