I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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