At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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