My first STD was from a foam party
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
