I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
