it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
