I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
