Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
