Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Randomize
