Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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