Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
