I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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