i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
