Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
