No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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