I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
