I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
