brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He shit in the fireplace
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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