just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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