you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
