The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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