There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
