i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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