I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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