He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
