thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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