people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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