1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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