If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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