I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
