I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
