Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
3 2 1 whiskey
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
