are you still at the devil's house?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
