Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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