thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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