I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
