Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
