if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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