Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
