There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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