it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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