Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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