I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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