I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
